Keep Silence
by Lily the Master of Kitties
Summary: "Why doesn't she talk to me? Is there something wrong with me?" "There is something wrong with the world. And you're the part of it". HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**So. This is something absolutely random, but I like it. This is basically a diary of a girl who doesn't talk. Yeah. There's going to be no Johnny in first few chapters. And, it is going to be strange. Definitely.**

**And:**

**My grammar and stuff probably suck because I'm not American, or British, or Australian, or Canadian, or … anything. Please bear with me. **

**Anyways…**

**Read, and, perhaps, enjoy.**

_*in black ink*_

I

wonder

why do I have to do this

I am confused

Damn.

Dear Diary _*scratched out*_

Dear _*scratched out*_

fuck _*scratched out*_

_*in blue ink*_

1st Sept

00:01 AM

Dear Diary

I am NAVY.

Hi.

I'm 19.

I have brown eyes

Brown and blue hair

I have a step-father

My mommy died

I go to a therapist

I don't talk.

2 Sept

04:07 PM

I went to my psychologist today

TODAY, TODAAAAY_*scratched out*_

with my step-father.

The p : [wants me to talk]

st-f : [*annoyed*

dunno what he wants]

The p:

is saying things

I don't listen to

AFTER THAT

my st-f

*annoyed*

[I think he doesn't like me

cause I don't talk]

~ he drove me HOME

I live in an APARTMENT.

It's

so

small

11:30 PM

My little toy bird Sadie talks to me again.

(hasn't talked in 1 month)

Sadie:

"Hey! You're writing, aren't you now, sweetie? No-no-_non, ma chèrie, _it's bad! Don't do that."

[Sadie – not French. Likes French though]

[doesn't want me to speak]

What do I think about this.

What.

I dunno.

I'm _*scratched out*_

so _*scratched out* _

_*in black ink*_

ALMOST MIDNIGHT

_*in purple ink*_

SADIE:

"_My dear Navy, please listen to me. World is an unpleasant place to be. You know that. And you are alone now. That step-father of yours doesn't count, does he? My dear Navy, please understand – you don't belong here. And you should not ever try to fit here. Don't try to connect with anyone – do you understand what I mean? Listen, Navy, no one is worth your tears, or fury… No one deserves your attention. They don't deserve your words. NO ONE DESERVES YOUR WORDS! No one is worth opening your mouth and saying anything. They won't even understand you. Are you aware of that, Navy? ARE YOU? Listen. You made a right decision. Close your mouth. Close your door. Close your mind. Don't let them see you or hear your voice. Don't ever open your thoughts._

_Just… Shut up."_

10 YEARS AGO

(an hour after I stopped talking)

(an hour after mommy died)

I'm going to sleep _*scratched out*_

_*in blue ink*_

wait, one more thing

ME:

**I want to feel something. I feel nothing, really. Wait… No. I don't want to feel love, I don't want to love anyone; I loved my mommy, now I love no one. I want to hate someone. I want to hate someone because that's what people do! I want to hate, but I don't have anyone, I don't have anyone to HATE, I don't know where to put the _something_ which's burning inside me, that's why I'm dying silently.**

_*in black ink*_

I'm _*scratched out*_

so _*scratched out* _

confused.

I

wonder

why do I have to do this.

…

**A/N: Well that sucks! But I like it! Now, review or something will happen. Something not good. **

**Is Navy a name anyways? Tell me because I have no idea.**

**I think it sounds like a name. Whatever.**

**~me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**The second chapter. JOY.**

**Yes. Enjoy.**

**~…~**

_*in blue ink*_

2nd Sept

12:00 AM

Dear Diary

SHE IS COMING

[my STEP-SISTER

my step-father's daughter]

HIS name is Edan by the way.

and HERS is Karen

she's 19 like me

and she's COMING

12:37 AM

She is here

OH MY GOD OH DAMN SHE'S HERE

Let me explain.

_*in purple ink*_

_She came at 12:14. She came in, sat on MY couch, turned on MY TV, and talked with ME. Edansends her to MY apartment every week and she's sitting there and being nice to me. He and Dr. What's-his-name think she's helping me. They think that if someone visits me and is nice with me, I'll want to communicate eventually. But I WON'T._

_And I hate Karen._

_*in blue ink*_

AAAAHHH SREEEW YOOUU KAAREN _*scratched out*_

Karen:

"Hey, what's up? Wanna watch some TV? Will ya nod or somethin'? Hey, ain't ya gonna throw a book at me or somethin', as always? No?"

So – we're spending time – Karen watching a stupid TV show, and me hating her.

I couldn't care less.

I WANT HER TO BE GONE!

Sadie:

"What? Oh, not her AGAIN! Do something, Navy, throw a book at her!"

(so I did)

(I mean I threw a book at her)

(yeah)

She's gone

And now I'm going OUTSIDE.

**~…~**

I'm outside. I haven't been here for a long time, because

**The world is miserable, it is depressing me, and I feel really bad. The air is fresh and cold, but I feel it's filthy because people around me are thinking filthy thoughts. I can feel these things. Their hate, anger, their annoyance. Look at those girls – they're talking, and smiling, sure, but actually – they're acting, actually, they hate each other. I can feel that, and it's horrible. It's like some awful smell. I can't breath. I'm choking. I'm dying.**

I'm hungry.

4:47 PM

I'm HOME.

I like my home. It's a nice place. Yes, very small. But it has a couch, a fridge, a TV, my books, and other stuff – so it's nice.

Nice, but pretty boring.

Really, even if I talked, I wouldn't have any friends. Cause I'm boring. All I do is eat, watch TV and sleep all day, and writing in this DIARY, yes. I wish I could draw.

11:23 PM

I've got an injury.

I don't remember why the hell, but now, I have a very big bruise on my right hand. It hurts to write. Hurts so much.

I need to sleep, but I refuse. It's full moon. I will stare at it all night and wish I was a werewolf or a witch or something.

_*in black ink*_

What's wrong with me? Why am I so miserable? I feel like I'm… drowning…

_*in blue ink*_

3rd Sept

3:37 PM

Dear Diary

TODAAAAAY _*scratched out*_

Today.

I went to Dr. What's-his-name.

(again)

(with Edan)

Edan: [*annoyed*]

Dr.: [*ANNOYED*]

What the hell? Why don't they like me?

_*in purple ink*_

_I am an introvert, I have my own little realm, invisible to others, I'm silent as a grave, I never talk, and therefore I listen. I hear what they say, and I remember everything. Everything. My head is spinning. I hear them, but I don't understand them – ignorant idiots. They are dumb, and they don't hear me. I live by myself, in my realm._

Or I'm just plain crazy, as Dr. What's-his-name says_._

What's his name, actually?

Why do I care?

**I feel strange.**

**I sleep a lot, and when I don't, I feel like I'm sleeping. My life is hazy, blurry, and I'm tired. So tired, even though I don't do anything. I'm tired, and sleepy, and I'm just curios, what the fuck is wrong with me?**

Sadie:

"Wrong? WRONG? No, dear, the whole _world's_ wrong, and you're okay. You are different, no, you're _unique_, so shut up and go to sleep".

Shut up? Did I SAY anything?

_*in black ink*_

And I wonder, I just wonder, what makes me different?

**~…~**

**Yay. Done! Sorry it's short.**

**Review?**

**~me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

**Another short senseless chapter. But senseless isn't always bad, right?**

**~…~**

_*in blue ink*_

4th Sept

07:05 AM

Sadie: [*annoyed*]

"I thought I _told_ you to _stop_ doing this, right? Why aren't you listening to me? Have you forgotten how much I've done for you? You… you… little brat!"

Why doesn't she like me?

And I actually don't remember if she has done anything for me. Heh.

10:38 AM

I tried… drawing today. But… it's horrible. I'm going to cry. Or sleep.

**There's that thing about me – I'm boring! I mean, I can't do anything! I can't draw, or sing, or write, or dance, or rite poetry… Just look, I've misspelled the word 'write'! Fuck! **

11:43 AM

Wow! I remember a dream! Really! I never remember them. I'm having them, but I forget them. I mean, I sleep for about 16 hours a day; I have a lot of dreams. But THIS one is weird.

Like this:

_*in purple ink*_

_I was walking. And, I saw birds fly around me – big, black birds. Like ravens, but they weren't ravens. And they all wanted to talk to me! I had to say that I'm not saying anything. But this is just… And then, they got angry and killed me. And I felt weightless, and everything was blue, and I woke up._

_*in blue ink*_

And I'm still alive.

**I was just wondering – what if my dreams aren't dreams and the whole reality is a dream? Huh? Because, I don't remember my dreams, but when I'm sleeping, I don't remember the reality either, right? And I really can't tell if I feel more alive now than when I'm asleep. **

What was that thing above about?

_*really messy handwriting*_

So I actually went outside today. And I saw something.

_I was just walking…somewhere. And then, I heard a really LOUD scream. So I got scared, and when I turned around, I saw… someone… being… slaughtered. I just stood there and I even felt like screaming. But I didn't scream. Well, actually… I… I picked up some random stone – or something – I don't remember – from the ground and threw it at the… murderer. And ran away._

I should have called the police or something?

Sadie:

"You seem upset, _ma chèrie_. Go to sleep"

I'm really scared. I think I'll just sleep. Maybe that was just ANOTHER dream.

I mean, reality can't be so horrible, can it?

11:33 PM

Can't sleep. Can't get the image of the man being slaughtered out of my head. I mean, it was so… fuck. Really.

I need sugar.

5th Sept

Can't sleep!

Can't sleep!

CAN'T SLEEP!

FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCC _*scratched out*_

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

Sadie:

"What? Why are you looking at me like that? Are you going to sleep or not?"

I don't know what time it is. I went outside and threw my clock at some random tree. I need a new clock.

I'm NOT going to Dr. today.

RANDOM TIME

'Random' is a cool word, and I'm scared, and I can't sleep. Why the hell did I go outside? Somebody could see me. I think somebody has seen me. That murderer guy, he may want to find me and do something dreadful. Because I threw a stone at him, and that's rude.

Oh I am so rude! _*scratched out*_

ANOTHER RANDOM TIME

I'm scared, but not really. I mean, the murderer probably doesn't remember me. Nobody remembers me! Yay!

And I'm FINNALY sleepy. Yawn!

Isn't that cool, saying 'yawn' instead of 'yay'?

6th Sept probably.

I will go outside. Oh, how I will go outside. I have a knife in my backpack, and a mirror, and money! I will get a new clock, and something. I need something.

Nobody can scare me now. NOBODY.

7 Sept

11:23 AM

_*really messy handwriting*_

I was nearly killed today. I don't wanna talk about it. I hope Sadie won't find out.

**~…~**

**So… I know you people are reading this. Why don't you review? If you hate this, then at least tell me why. **

**~me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

**Merry Christmas everyone! Today's Christmas, right? Or is it tomorrow? I dunno… Okay, just read this.**

**~…~**

_*in blue ink*_

8th Sept

10:12 AM

So that's what happened:

_*in purple ink*_

_I went out and decided to go eat somewhere because I was hungry. So I went to a small café that I knew served awesome cheesecake. [I like cheesecake] And, as I was sitting there, somebody entered, and also sat there, and suddenly I saw him, and it was the MURDEOUS GUY. Coincidence huh? And I just froze there. I mean, I was trying to get up, but my legs, they didn't move. I just sat there and stared at him – he didn't even notice me… And, I really stopped hearing things. I think someone insulted him or something… So guess what? Yes, I witnessed another horrible slaughter, then another, and… I think I have died there. Not… literally. And then, there was no one left except me. And he said something to me. He said a lot of things, but I've heard only:_

"…_FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?"_

_[Um, I believe he was surprised that I didn't scream and run away. Yeah, surprised.]_

_And yes, I really thought that I needed to say something – uh, not SAY, just tell him why I'm so SILENT. I don't really remember – I think I pointed to my throat or something indicating that I was mute… which is not really true but whatever… he got my message anyways._

_And yes, he did try to kill me. With a fork. But I'm fast! I didn't know I could run so fast. _

_*in blue ink*_

That is not the end of this _story_… But right now, I need a dose of sleep.

11:13 PM

And then:

_*in purple ink*_

_Yes, I ran fast. But soon enough, I got tired. I have no idea why I ran so fast [it was adrenaline! Right.]. I stopped when I found myself in some… park, I guess. There was a bench anyways, so I sat there, and it was REALLY hard to breathe. _

_But, you know what? He found me. He sat next to me and asked, as thought we were just having a casual conversation:_

"_So, you don't talk?"_

_Once again, my legs didn't move, and I merely nodded._

"_But you're not deaf" [OMG he's SO observant]_

_I nodded again._

"_You're just mute?"_

_I shook my head, because I'm not really mute._

"_Then why aren't you talking?"_

_Now, I couldn't just nod or shake my head. So I just sat there. And when he FINNALY understood that I wasn't going to answer, he introduced himself. His name is Johnny C. He said that I'm weird, but in a good way. I dunno why. But anyways, soon, somehow I angered him, and he started screaming things and attacking me with a BIG knife. And, once again, adrenaline. I ran away and then got lost. I've been walking all day until I found my home. And when I got there, I – guess what? – yes, I slept, and had a dream! Like this:_

_I was sitting on the roof, and there were forks, and Mr. Johnny C. who told me that NOW I'M WEIRD IN A BAD WAY! HOW DARE I LAUGH AT HIM! I'M LAUGHING AT HIM NOW AREN'T I! I'M JUST LIKE THEEEEEM! And other stuff. And he killed me like the birds previously did._

_*in blue ink*_

Know what? Now I'm officially stupid. Because, why the hell did I bring a mirror with me? A MIRROR. I could've put another knife there. Though I didn't use a knife. [So I'm double stupid] And I bought a new baby blue clock while I couldn't find my home. [Triple stupid. Why? Because I am.]

And I need blue hair dye because my awesome blue streaks in my hair have started to fade. Or something, they're just not so awesome anymore. They're morons, those streaks.

9th Sept

3:24 PM

I WANT TO KILL SOMETHING.

MAYBE MYSELF.

XP

10th Sept

11.00 AM

Yesterday was a rather stupid day. I'm NOT afraid of anything! I'M NOT! But I'm not going out!

Sadie:

"You brat. I'm not talking with you until you BURN that little NOTEBOOK of yours".

OF COURSE, nobody likes me. XP

I was thinking about Mr. Johnny C. And, what day it is? I'm pretty sure I heard Edan… In my room… Maybe he was here trying to make me go to Dr… Yesterday… I'm confused. And it's so cold outside.

5:33 PM

Karen came today, and I was hiding, and she left. She brought me food – lots of nice, nice food. I ate.

**I think the best things in my life are things people are trying to ignore. Sleep and food. I LOVE sleeping, and I LOVE food. And I'm not even TOO fat, what the hell?**

7:00 PM

**I'm scared again. I am now aware there is a murderer in my town. It's bad. Mothers should hide their children. There should be… military men everywhere. I should call the police, but I don't remember if it's 911 or 119. Or something else. **

**T H I N G S T O D O **

**[x] EAT**

**[ ] FIND MY LAPTOP**

**[ ] STOP FEARING MR. JOHNNY C.**

**[ ] FIND A NICE BOMB-PROOF SHELTER**

**[ ] FIND THE MEANING OF LIFE**

**[ ] BUY SOME HAIR DYE **

**[x] SLEEP**

**~…~**

**A/N:**

**Ugh. Please, please tell me if Johnny is OOC, and what I should do to write him in character. **

**I may post another chapter tomorrow. Because after that, I am going to Mexico on my amazing vacation of doom and I won't be able to neither update nor write anything for a while.**

**Anyways, review!**

**~me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

**This chapter is actually like a filler… It has no Johnny, and it's very short, and it has lots of useless words…But, hey, it makes some sense in the end. I think.**

_*in blue ink*_

11th Sept

7:34 AM

**T H I N G S T O D O **

**[ ] TRY TO DRAW**

**[ ] LISTEN TO SOME COOL MUSIC**

**[ ] BUY A NEW CD OR DVD OR WHATEVER**

**[ ] FORGET ABOUT MR. JOHNNY C.**

**[ ] FIND MY LAPTOP**

**[ ] EAT**

**[ ] MAKE SADIE TALK**

**[ ] BUY BLUE HAIR DYE**

**[ ] BE COOL**

**[ ] FIND MY SCARF**

I have a lot of things to do, yay _*scratched out* _yawn!

3:45 PM

Edan took me to Dr. today. He just took me and I was too sleepy to REFUSE.

Actually, my doctor isn't cool. Like, at all. See, Edan takes care of me because while mom was alive, we had a nice relationship, and he used to sorta like me. But the doctor is not a cool doctor, he's one of Edan's friends and he agreed to, uh, talk to me three days a week to try and make me normal. Of course, Edan thinks he's awesome, but he isn't.

Sadie hates me. Life sucks.

**EAT: [x]**

**BUY BLUE HAIR DYE: [x]**

**TRY TO DRAW: [xP]**

**LISTEN TO SOME COOL MUSIC: [x] **

**BUY A NEW CD OR DVD OR WHATEVER: [x]** [I've bought a new CD. With Beethoven's music. I'm cool now.]

**BE COOL: [x]**

**FIND MY SCARF: [x]**

**Sadie says most people are dumb. And I'm not. But why? What really makes me better? Is there something they don't know I do? What is it? And why don't they deserve my words, are those words something special? What the hell…**

I went outside. And bought things. And then, I made new awesome streaks in my hair.

Oh my God, Mr. Johnny C. must hate me right now. Though I have no idea how I had angered him. But I'm NOT scared!

**Some people are strange. And I'm not talking about** **Mr. Johnny C.** **He's not the only strange one here. I mean other people. They're concerned about really stupid things sometimes.**

**[that's what Sadie says]**

12th Sept

6:27 PM

I was in the mall!

I must say, I love malls. But I couldn't make myself to go there for some reason…for a long time… But I spent the entire day there. I looked at all those nice new things… [I didn't buy anything, since I've got not much money left. [Yeah, Edan gives me money]]

I spent, like, an hour in a music shop, and nobody even asked me if they could help me.

It's cool to be invisible like this. _*scratched out*_

…it's…not…

15th Sept

3:00 AM

I was unconscious for a loooooong time.

I had dreams.

Loooots of dreams.

And now I think I should see Mr. Johnny C. again.

Because he's cool.

A very cool murderer…

He… is understandable.

And needed.

[I will explain this later]

**~…~**

**A/N: uh… review? Please?**

**And… see you next year. Happy Almost-New-Year, or whatever winter holiday you like… :)**


	6. Chapter 6

__*in blue ink*__

15 Sept

10:00 AM

Now I feel a little bit more conscious than earlier, and I think I should explain what I wanted to say.

I don't know what I wanted to say.

Well, actually, I know something.

Although I don't really understand if I should take dreams I had while I was unconscious seriously, but I will. In those dreams, I saw _many_ things. I don't remember much now. But I remember a being in a room with a big cool TV, watching a show about Mr. Johnny C. Yeah. So I saw that he was killing bad people. Bad, bad people. Though sometimes they weren't _that_ bad, and once he killed someone who wasn't bad at all. But mostly, his victims were _bad_. And, also… I don't quite remember… I think there was Sadie saying something about a thing that controls him. Like, some mind-controlling thing which makes him kill without getting caught. And, according to what she said, I might want to meet him again to get that thing too and get a pretty life.

I dunno what a 'pretty life' means. But it sounds good, now doesn't it?

So… I am going to meet him.

Sadie:

"You'll just have to spend time with him. To be around him for a while, I suppose. Yes. Right. Easy enough for you?"

I will find Mr. Johnny C. And… dunno. I have no idea what I'm going to do then. I'll just hope the answer will come out of nowhere the moment I see him. It always does.

And I think Edan doesn't remember I exist anymore. Whatever.

7:34 PM

I went out today but I didn't find him. I met KAREN instead. Ain't that just GREAT? I had to hide behind a tree so she wouldn't see me.

But I've seen a really cool puppy. And a squirrel.

Sadie doesn't talk to me. She says that by writing I connect with the world I'm supposed to abandon. HOW the hell?

God. I want a cat.

16 Sept

11:34 PM

Dear Diary,

that's what happened:

_*in purple ink*_

_I was very very bored and went to cinema. Late at night. And when I exited the cinema, it was DARK. And! Guess who I met! YESS! It was Mr. Johnny C. So, I saw him… And I didn't have much to SAY, did I? So I followed him until he noticed me. And he started freaking out about me stalking him and being THAT GIRL! I stood there for a while, waiting for the pretty life to begin._

_Then, he has gone all calm and asked me politely what the fuck I was doing here late at night stalking him. HAVE I been stalking him? Huh? HUH? Then he realized that I wasn't going to answer, said goodbye and left. I just stood there. And then, I felt REALLY stupid and went home._

__*in blue ink*__

Pretty life hasn't started yet. Oh well. I'll wait.

17 Sept

11:43 AM

Sadie's _unbearable_. I mean, she… sings. Do you have any idea how damn _bad_ she sings? I've thought about throwing her out of the window, but I think she'll NEVER forgive me, you know.

Argh.

7:45 PM

Oh my GOD, what the hell is WRONG with this place? I think that somebody's watching me! SOMEBODY'S! WATCHING! ME! Okay, okay, it's okay. I'll just calm down, calm down, and go to sleep. But I'm SURE that I saw somebody. I did.

Sadie said it was him. Did she mean it was _him_? Okay, whatever. She doesn't talk to me AGAIN.

I hate my life.

**I never feel safe. Because I'm not safe. I'm afraid of everything – a hurricane, an earthquake, terrorists, explosions, poisonous insects, and the girl from 'The Ring'. Ooh, that girl, damn that girl, I regret watching that movie, I do. **

**And when I can't sleep at night… It's terrible. I'm _so_ scared. I think I'm gonna die.**

Argh.

**This whole thing with 'abandon the world' and 'not contacting with people' starts to seem kind of… strange? No, no, no, not really. Strange thing is – Sadie says I have decided to stop talking myself. But I _don't_ remember. I just don't. I remember her whole little speech from ten years ago, but I don't know if I… And I also don't remember when exactly I first heard Sadie talk to me. I mean… I can't tell if she has been talking before mom's death… But actually, I wouldn't have listened to her if… UGH I'M CONFUUUSED.**

**XP**

…**~…**

**A/N: Hey! It's me again! See, another short chapter. But I swear things will get more interesting soon. And THANKS to all of you reading this, and especially to xxxjetgirlxxx and The Girl Who Questions Sleep. You're cool. **

**Review?**

**~me**


	7. Chapter 7

_*in blue ink*_

18 Sept

6:23 PM

Dear Diary,

I met him again today.

I _really _didn't expect this. I don't know, I just… I was actually _scared_. I haven't been scared of him much recently, have I? But that moment I suddenly remembered that he was a KILLER, for God's sake. So, I saw him in a 24/7 store, and I froze there, and my brain voice or whatever it's supposed to be was going all 'uuhhh…' I felt like running away and maybe screaming [which I haven't done in AGES so I wouldn't even have managed to do so, but I would've tried] but he saw me. And he looked really calm and friendly with that little fizzy drink of his. You know, the cherry one.

So, I stood there, frozen, and he was just looking at me. And when I was about to make my legs to move, he said:

"I know where you live".

That's all. Just that. That's it. And he left. Nothing more.

But but but!

BUUUT! _*scratched out*_

I died there. I really, really stopped breathing, seeing, hearing or feeling. Then I went back to life and ran home. But being home doesn't make it any better. Because he _knows_. HE KNOWS HE KNOWS HE KNOWS.

My… God, what am I doing now?

_*REALLY messy handwriting*_

Well, um, I'm hiding. In my wardrobe. I always hide here when I'm scared. But I don't think I'll EVER be able to come out.

It is SO silent here now. And it's HORRIBLE to write in complete darkness, man.

SOME TIME LATER

He was here.

Heh, heh. He was here, heh, OH MY GOD HE WAS HERE!

Um, uuhhh, I just, I _*scratched out*_ Okay. I heard him tapping on my window. I just DID. And I just KNOW it was him. God, I'm gonna cry. So, he was tapping, and then left. At least I hope so. I hope he isn't hiding somewhere in the fridge. But I'm too scared to go and check.

Gosh. I'll stop writing now. GOSH.

19 Sept

2:15 AM I believe

**Okay now. What the hell is wrong with my life?**

**I wish I had a pretty life. Like… Molly. Molly is someone I used to know when I was little. Molly was nice. Her parents were so awesome. I always wished my parent would be like that – well, by parents I mean mom and Edan, since Edan is also my parent, I've known him since I was five years old, and he's not bad, I must say. Yeah. Molly had more toys than I used to have. And she had a puppy! Where's Molly now? Probably being all normal, having a boyfriend and girlfriends. Do I want to be normal? Do I? **

**I dunno. **

**I want… well. **

**I want to have friends. Whatever Sadie says. I do.**

**I want to have a boyfriend, hell yeah. Or maybe I don't. Whatever.**

**Oh. I just thought. It is pretty hard to tell people how lame and stupid they are if you're not… you know. Talking. **

2:34 PM

I have left my safe wardrobe. I have sat on my couch and turned on the TV. Then, I heard that NOISE. Well, actually, I heard a noise of my window being… you know. Broken. Ugh. And then, there was him. I watched as Mr. Johnny C. entered my apartment, then looked around and announced:

"I came to check if you were all right here".

Then, left. I am in a state of shock. If I was kind of all right before, now I'm not. Edan also came here today, to tell me that Dr. was on holiday, awesome. He saw the window, and I don't remember what he said. Gosh. Next time I see Mr. Johnny C., I'll kill him, that's for sure.

20 Sept

4:23 PM

I met him, again. This is just happening everyday, huh?

I went to my favorite park, where my favorite lake is, sat on my favorite bench and then he just came. I _know_ he was following me. We had a nice conversation, if you could say that. It was basically Mr. Johnny C.'s monologue, you know. He told me sad, sad story of his life. I don't remember it. But I am sure I heard words such as 'voices', 'wall', 'blood' and 'moose'. Um. That is kinda creepy. I've gone home and spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out what it might have been about.

Like:

'Uh, you know, my pet moose once crashed into a wall. There was a lot of blood. He damaged his brain and started hearing voices'.

Or:

'Voices told me to kill a moose, and I did, and when I came home covered in blood, I crashed into a wall and died. The End'.

Gosh.

When is the pretty life starting, man?

…or something like:

"There is a moose behind a wall in my house, and voices tell me to paint the wall with blood so the moose won't come out'. But that just makes no sense.

**A/N:**

**Wow, that's me again. Am I cool, updating so often? **

**Now, there's where the real story starts… sorta. I mean, this story already has seven chapters and that was only the beginning. Okay, whatever. **

**Thanks to Percy's Girl and xxxjetgirlxxx. You may feel loved now. ^_^**

**Review?**

**~me.**


	8. Chapter 8

_*in blue ink*_

21 Sept

6:34 PM

Today was supposed to be a rather good day. Well. I took my backpack with a knife and another knife, and went to the mall. Edan has given me money. That's weird, he's supposed to be mad at me because of the window. Whatever. So…I was in the mall, and WHO WAS THERE? HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?

That's creepy. I mean, why is he _everywhere_? Yeah, Mr. Johnny C. He wasn't alone, he was with some little kid. Kid was nice, but really scared. I think I know why… He told me his name was Todd, but Mr. Johnny C. said that his name was Squee. Whoa. And the kid had a very freaky teddy bear. Where did he get it?

Anyways…

Mr. Johnny C.:

"Oh, that's YOU! Come here! Heeeere! Here. Yes. Hello. Sorry about your window, I hope I didn't cause too much trouble. Leave it opened next time. Oh, have you met my friend Squee?"

The kid:

"I'm Todd".

Mr. Johnny C.:

"Nah, I like 'Squee' better. Hey, what's your name anyways? Can you, hmm…" *he took out a pencil and a little notebook which he said was his 'Die-ry' (whoa)* "Write your name here!"

The notebook was very creepy. I think I saw a couple of bloodstains there. Um, whatever. I wrote NAVY on the last page of it. He stared at me and said "Navy? Is that even a name? Oh well. You can call me Nny by the way. Well, not call… Whatever".

Of course, Navy is a strange name compared to Nny and Squee.

Sadie:

"Where have you been for so long? Oh, you have TALKED to someone! My words mean nothing to you! CURSE YOU!"

Whoa.

22 Sept

12:23 AM

Nny paid me a visit last night. He climbed through my window and said that he was bored and asked if I had a book or something. I was half-asleep so I grabbed some random book and threw it at him. He said thank you and soon was gone. I want my book back. Who knows, maybe it's already bloodstained. Gosh.

2:43 PM

Ha ha! I found my laptop! Whoo! I'm cool. And my laptop's cool. And I totally have internet here, man. I have no idea what to do now, lol. Oh well.

WHERE'S MY BOOK, HUH, MR. C.? HUH?

Not that I need it. I don't even know which book it was.

Who's gonna fix my window?

23 Sept

7:14 PM

Today, Nny visited me again. He even used the door, not the window. Wow.

He offered me a pretty drink he called 'a Brainfreezy' and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him or something, because I seem like a nice person to spend time with because I don't say anything. I wanted to say: "Why would I want to go with you? Get out! Put down my Diary! PUT IT DOWN!" But, I just nodded, snatched the Diary (this one) from his hands and hit him in the face with it. He didn't seem too upset about it, however, he warned me that next time I do something like this, he'll poke me in the eye with a pencil. He even showed me this pencil. He also told me a story about how cruel this pencil might be.

And then we went to watch a movie.

A horrible movie with dreadful murders and stuff. Ugh. I didn't like it. At all. But he paid for the tickets. And he bought me another Brainfreezy.

Of course, I fell asleep. And I was woken up by Nny kicking me out of my seat. And I fell. And that hurt. So I threw my empty cup at him and ran home as fast as I could, because serial killers don't like when cups are thrown at them, now do they?

What's he gonna do now?

Gosh. I'm SO dead.

_*REALLY messy handwriting*_

I'm in the wardrobe again, you know. But I'm not as scared as I should be, actually. Wait. I am.

NAVY WANTS TO GO OUTSIDE

Now! I think I'll just stay here and be scared. Be very scared.

SOME TIME LATER

He was here. He pulled be out of the wardrobe by my hair (that was OUCH!). And I think he was pretty angry. And he told me I should NEVER do anything like this again or he'll kill me. What the hell, he can kick me and I can't throw a cup at him in response? Where has the… justice gone, man?

Then, he threw my book at me (again, ouch. again, not fair. XP) and said it was boring. And soon he was gone.

I don't even remember buying that book.

Why does everyone hate me?

11:15 PM

It's FREEZING here! Because of the window! And the guy on TV said it's gonna get colder! Oh, gosh. I need to find Nny and make him do something about it. Or… he'll find me sooner or later. Gosh.

And Sadie hates me even more. Can toy birds feel the cold? Huh?

**A/N: yay, it's finally done. I wanted to post it yesterday (ON FRIDAY 13TH!) but I didn't. Well… I may not update in a while, I'll be working on my other JTHM stories. It's my last day in Mexico, and it's raining. This sucks. **

**Review!**

**~me.**


	9. Chapter 9

_*in blue ink*_

24 Sept

10:31 AM

Argh.

It's cold.

Really cold.

I've put on every single piece of warm clothing I found but STIIIIIIIIILLL! _*scratched out*_ it's still cold. Argh.

I need to go out and find Mr. Jo _*scratched out* _Nny, but I'm so laaaazy _*scratched out* _lazy.

I can't even write properly.

sometime

Nny said:

"Oh, come on, it can't be that cold. I'm sure it's okay. You'll get used eventually."

I grabbed his arm and forced him to go to my own little North Pole.

He said:

"Oh. Well. Here is pretty cold. Oh."

And then:

"But my home is COLDER!"

I didn't believe him. And he then decided he had to prove that SO NOW I'M IN HIS HOUSE IN A LOCKED ROOM AND HERE'S REALLY COLD AND BLOODY AND THIS AWFUL SMELL AND I'M GONNA DIIIIE

GOOD THING I HAVE MY DIARY WITH ME

NOOOOOOO I DON'T WANNA DIE

sometime later

When I thought I died from cold, Nny came and said "See?" I didn't even have strength to throw my Diary at him, besides, he said he would kill me 'n stuff… so… yeah.

And then he told me to be his guest, and I had to nod.

I don't know. I've been here for a long time. Hm… Six hours, maybe? It's all strange, when I try to fall asleep, I start thinking freaky thoughts about killing. I don't know. I seriously want to die. But I still don't know if I can. I mean, I'm not at home, so… Isn't it kinda rude, dying in someone else's house without permission?

"Sorry, sir, can I please crawl in this corner and die?"

"Oh, my apologies, miss, this corner is taken by a corpse. May I offer you a dirty bathroom?"

Damn. I can't even die like a normal person.

sometime later again

I was allowed to see Nny's Great Bloody Monster Wall of Moose. Lol. He led me into his basement and to the wall.

Well. It was, uh… just a wall, covered in blood. At first I was unimpressed. I was expecting something… bloodier? I actually thought it would be something GREAT like the Great Wall of China, only bloody. Lol. So at first I just stood there and looked at it. And then I suddenly realized that there was BLOOD ON THE WALL! BLOOD! ON! THE WALL! So I started freaking out and running in circles and my mind made up a really stupid song, like this: "There's blooood on the wall! Bloood on the wall!"

God. I need therapy.

25 Sept

2:38 AM

Yawn. Yawn, yawn, yawn. Yawn. I've JUST got home. And I'm still alive. Nobody has raped me! Sure, Nny has given me a knife so I could protect myself on my way home, but, really, he could've come with me or something at 2 fucking AM.

Argh. Yawn.

And I couldn't sleep there and I'm very sleepy so zzz.

2:05 PM

I went for a little walk, and when I got home, Nny was there, talking to Sadie. About me, apparently. She was saying all this stuff about the horrid world and me being so much better, and he was listening. And when he finally noticed me, he asked me brightly "So, you have a voice?"

And Sadie said "I'm not just a voice! I'm her common sense! Her conscious! Her MIND!"

That's not true.

I had to offer Nny some snacks 'n stuff. And he started talking his voices. Now I know – I have heard things talking in a locked room in his house. So those were his voices. They were pretty angry, but there were only two of them. Nny says there is a third voice, and he started telling me about it (its name's Nailbunny or something…) but I've fallen asleep, so yeah. And now I wake up, and he's gone, and all my DVDs are also gone.

6:19 PM

_*in purple ink*_

_**Schizophrenia **– a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown of thought process and by poor emotion responsiveness. **- not Nny **_

_**Schizoid personality disorder **– a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness. **Hm… maybe.**_

_**Schizotypal personality disorder **__- a personality disorder characterized by a need for social isolation, anxiety in social situations, odd behavior and thinking __**(right!)**__,__and often unconventional beliefs._

_**Schizoaffective disorder **– a mental disorder characterized by recurring episodes of elevated or depressed mood, or of simultaneously elevated and depressing mood, that alternate with, or occur together with, distortions in perception. **Maybe!**_

_*in blue ink*_

Okay… I'll continue this later. Gosh.

**A/N: Now… I don't know what to write here, so just… review, and _thanks_ to the people who read this! :)**

**~me.**


	10. Chapter 10

_*in blue ink*_

2 Oct

I'm bored.

It's been a week of living in the Amazingly Non-Awesome Doomed Kingdom of Pure Absolute Boredom.

I know I started reading information about those little issues Nny might have, but I got… yeah. Bored. So I've been walking outside in the park while dudes Edan has sent were fixing my poor window. After they were done, I was walking inside in my room until I got actually tired. I also couldn't sleep much so now I'm feeling like a… like something tired. I was listening to my Beethoven CD… but then… Also, Nny has stolen all my DVDs, and I couldn't take them back since I've already forgotten where he lives.

Yawn.

So now… I'm writing. What time is it anyways?

4:56 PM

Sadie says:

Nothing.

5:13 PM

Today, Nny has paid me a visit.

No, he hasn't returned any of my DVDs, no. He has given me an amazing lecture instead. See, he got inside (I left my window opened since he told me to do so… I don't want him to break it again) and saw me sleeping on the couch. This caused him to wake me up by pouring cold water on me – which isn't a nice thing to do, is it? – and then tell me how pointless and … well, bad sleeping is. Moron. HE KNOWS NOTHING! SLEEP IS GOOD! GOOOOOO _*scratched out* _Anyways. He then turned on the TV and zoned out, I think. He stared at the screen for about half an hour. Not moving. Occasionally blinking. Occasionally breathing. I poked him in the arm few times, he didn't respond, and I was afraid to do something else since he's… y'know? A killer? So I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich AND WHEN I RETURNED HE WAS ALREADY GONE

Seriously. Wtf?

3 Oct

8:51 AM

I'm making muffins!

Yum, yum, yummy… yum.

It's not difficult at all! I found a receipt in the Internet [Internet is AWESOME! Did you know that? No, you didn't. Now you do. There are so many things there! I found a site where people put their drawings… I was looking at those drawing for a while and GOT SO FREAKIN' ENVIOUS 'CAUSE I CAN'T DRAW AT ALL AND THOSE PEOPLE DRAW SO COOL so yeah. I … digress.] and it seems really easy! Yum, I'm cooking! :)

1:32 PM

So, uh. Nny visited me and brought my DVDs back. He made me sit on the couch and explained me why all the movies I own are entertaining, but stupid. Then I smelled something. I went to the kitchen and ALL MY MUFFIN WERE BUUUUUUUU _*scratched out* _ BURNED! Why? Why? Why me? Why is the world so cruel? Is there no God?

I'm crying! I started to cry when I saw what happened and Nny looked at me as thought I turned into a muffin myself or something. And left. I HATE HIM! HATE! SO MUCH HATE! I'M SO FULL OF HATE!

I hate people.

4 Oct

2:22 PM

2:22. Awesome. Meh.

Depressed. So depressed. So very depressed. Listening to depressing music. Have bought some muffins – isn't helping. They're yummy, but not as yummy as _my_ muffing would've been. Sadness. Tears.

Ugh. I'm disgusting.

5 Oct

0:01 AM

**The revenge will be mine!**

Yeah, I'm plotting revenge. I am going to make Nny PAY.

Why? Because he's the one to blame, of course! I'll destroy him! I will make a chair of his bones! I will take his heart out and feed it to puppies!

Maybe.

3:33 PM

3:33. Awesome.

Well. No, I won't make a chair. I'll make him pay some other way, though I'm still feeding his heart to puppies though I DOUBT HE HAS A HEART THAT HEARTLESS MONSTER

Anyways. I need to ask the Squee kid if there is anything Nny is scared of or something. Though I don't know where the kid lives.

Oh, the revenge will be… uh… it will be. Meh

Yawn.

I'm tired.

_*in purple ink*_

_So._

_**Homicidal ideation **is a common medical term for thoughts about homicide. It is not a disease itself, but may result from other illnesses such as psychosis and delirium._

_**Psychosis **means abnormal condition of the mind, and is a generic blah blah blah… mental state involving 'loss of contact with reality'._

_**Muffin-destroying disorder **– what? No information about psychotic muffin destroyers? I hate you, Wikipedia! HATE YOU!_

…**~…**

**A/N: So how did you like this chapter? Tell me… I'll give you a muffin… and Nny's heart… :)**

**~me.**


	11. Chapter 11

_*in blue ink*_

6th Oct

2:43 PM

Nyeh.

It's kind of not good.

I've decided to start practicing, well, preparing for my dreadful revenge. And… well. I went outside and tried to go and kill something small, and I couldn't. And if I'm going to take out his heart, I'll have to kill him, right? No?

Anyways. Like I've said, I can't really kill anything – even that goddamn bug which I've tried to stab with a toothpick – because I'm too nice. That's just… I was standing there, towering over the bug, and couldn't do anything! Argh! But, maybe, it'll be easier with Nny, cause he deserves it.

**THE Horrible Revenge Plot #1**

**1) kill him**

**2) sew his head off and sent it to his mother**

**3) does he have a mother? Maybe he's killed her.**

**THE Horrible Revenge Plot #2 **

**1) find out what he hates**

**2) give it to him on Christmas or his birthday**

**3) does he have a birthday? Maybe he's a… an alien. **

Either way, I'm planning to make his voices or the kid to help me. So…yay?

9:32 PM

So, I was walking, and walking, and it got dark, and guess what I've found? His house! Yippee! AND WHAT DO YOU THINK? The kid also lives there! Not in Nny's house, no, but they're neighbors. Ha! But I don't want to go to Nny's house, no; I'd better visit the kid. I don't know what I'd say though. I'm just sitting on the ground next to his house, and writing, and… that's all.

SOME TIME LATER

Okay, so wtf? WTF? I have gone into the kid's house, and I've seen his mother, and she seemed… uh… not normal. Not that all the other people I know are normal, but still, wtf? Anyways, I have gone into his room to find out things, and he freaked out because he thought I'm just like Nny, and then I realized I really… can't find anything out. Because… well. You know. Now I think I should've written something instead of talking, he seems like a kid who already can read. Aaaaand… I want his bear.

**THE Horrible Revenge Plot #3**

**1) write a book or make a movie about what a BAD BAD person he is so everybody will hate him.**

**Though maybe everybody hates him already. Whatever.**

**THE Horrible Revenge Plot #4**

**1) I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW! BUUUURN HIM! MWAHAHA!**

Anyways. Now that I've found Nny's house, all I need is to burn!

SOME TIME LATER

This isn't working.

This isn't fucking working.

Sadie says that it will all work when I get the pretty life. Yeah, the pretty life! She says that I'll be able to burn EVERYTHING. And stab everything. Ha. Ha, ha.

WELLL I guess I'm just gonna wait, and spend time with Nny to… to be like him.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FUCKING SAID THAT

10th Oct

I can't believe him.

I'm sitting here all alone, and he hasn't paid me a single visit in three days. What is he thinking, am I supposed to just sit here, missing all the good things? Who does he think he is to leave me like this?

Fuck it.

XP

_*REALLY messy handwriting*_

12th Oct

00:09 PM

So since Nny had apparently FORGOTTEN I exist, I've decided to visit him.

Well, I've grabbed my backpack with some knives, including that big shiny one I had found in a bowl of cereal someday, and also with you, MY DIARY, and headed out.

And, well, I've been walking around for… I dunno. Seven hours, maybe. Until it got all dark and I got scared. And… there were scary people around me AND… I just… can't write about it, at all. So anyways… I found myself being dragged (by my collar, which is QUITE uncomfortable, I must say) somewhere.

And I was so tired I fucking fell asleep.

And who had saved me? Nny, apparently. I seems like he's the only person in the world I meet lately.

Well anyways, I'm very cold and hungry, and my whole body hurts. Nny doesn't seem to notice me for some reason: he's walking around, doing stuff which makes people scream, and I sit here on the floor. And… what now?

LATER

Oh God, I'm so stupid.

Well… Maybe not, but…

I mean, I came over to him and poked him in the arm to draw some attention. And he yelled, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" and had some fun throwing knives at me. I'm hiding under his bed. Or is it his bed, he doesn't sleep, does he?

What… what now?

**A/N: I apologize for the shortness and the lateness of this chapter, but, well… There's nothing I can write anymore now sooo… REVIEW! **

**Oh and thanks to all of you who's been reviewing! :)**

**~me.**


End file.
